Only Thing That Matters

The only thing that matters....

Hmm, never really thought about that,

A few things that i guarantee will matter a lot,

Your studies, 

Your achievements,

and your experience,

i wouldn't add "money" here, 

cuz' having a good result 

guarantees money flowing into ur pockets...

As for "You" out there.....

I do wish you all the best,

cuz in this part of my life,

this may be the last time i'll see you,

till' the next life,

i have waited too long before,

now i only can see you under better hands,

my mind is playing games with me, 

expecting things that won't happen at all,

it keeps me happy in a weird way,

and also the other way around.

I make myself think hard, 

why isn't anywhere a better place for me?

Is adaptation necessary? 

Mostly it is necessary,

but anywhere is just asking for too much,

 when will you talk,

i treasure every moment spent with you,

but you don't seem to enjoy much of it,

so i'm just gonna leave, 

with a better life,

it has been a blessing for you to appear in my life,

and also it curses me to sacrifice my purpose for you,

but it is fading,

i feel glad about it,

and also,

very painful,

the memories will not be forgotten,

the best ones are when you were very happy,

at the same time, 

bored of that area,

i do hope i still have a better chance

to win your heart,

since i worked all my way up and wasted it somehow,

i'd even leave a space for you in my mind,

worth it or not depends on the memories,

but it became a beautiful carving in my mind,

one of the best parts of my life.....

And now it seems that, everything is fading, 

for the past 3 years i haven't done anything,

if i could, 

it would've gone better,

but i was still stuck in my own mind,

being the best of the best in studies and my gaming,

i do find gaming a little stupid sometimes,

i read them like a storybook,

as for the games that repeats itself, 

its like playing inside a big circle,

no one really understands why people are still interested in it,

it did help to make the companies profitable, 

but at a cost of being addicted for life,

some even mistook their games as real life,

freaked out themselves,

scared to go on alone......

Are "You" scared to be alone?

I've been there for quite some time,

for 5 years i have been,

i dragged myself out of that corner with some help,

from a friend, 

in fact, 

many of them did try to help me,

i only realized the importance after a 3 years,

the later years were merely just an illusion,

which i made for myself,

i feel really stupid when i think back to those days,

i really woke up my real self,

at the beginning of this year,

2011,

a disaster to begin with,

i kept blinding myself with thoughts of you,

i'm not sure about anything at all....

my decisions were blindly made....

I find it not worth waiting for after these years,

wasted part of my time thinking about you,

but its not a bad waste, 

one of the best which i don't know how to explain it,

"waste" is just a word, 

behind it lies many more meanings,

i just can't explain it....   :'/