It's been a while

Well, it's been quite a while since i've written anything here at all, probably because i was very busy ever since college started. I have also met tons of new friends in my new college, interesting people with interesting lives. Orientation day made me look like an oddball, since nobody from my course actually came, so i kept quiet when they asked who is from computing. The MCs were okay, not too bad in fact. They had many events such as the treasure hunt n stuff for the new students, but i went home early cuz i didn't know anyone at all who is in the hall.

Well the next week was class starting week, everyone looked at each other blurly, because nobody knows each other, and the only people speaking were the lecturers. I find the communication progress in my class is really quick, in a week, everyone was like linked gamers who met in real life. They were mostly dota players, and they are they type who don't actually sleep and they look pretty much a bit like zombies. At that time, i decided to let my hair grow really long, till it was no longer a bother to my eyes since it has already surpassed the length. Few weeks later i went on a small parkour session with my secondary school friends, they haven't decided on anything so they are still the sort of people who are searching for part time jobs. 

Okay, i shall continue with the college section, i met a few people after the second month, they were from other courses, a few of them looked less friendly and quiet, so i decided not to interact with them too, as before i feared to create misunderstandings among each other. My class had malaysian studies in a huge hall along with a few of the other students from other classes, around 4 courses, design, business, mass comm and mine. Well the most appealing to my eyes were the ones in business and mass com, they had more chicks in their class and they are very sociable. Aside from that they had a huge friendly community.. 

3 nightmares in 10 minutes of falling into sleep...

Hello and whats up... as u can see, the topic describes what i am about to tell you of my experience... its sort of me being afraid of my alternate self, vicious, merciless and somewhat, dragging me out of sleep for the past 5 weeks.. but this time, even faster, 10 minutes... in my dream i refused and kept on sleeping, so i eventually felt my leg numbing slowly... and i was being dragged out of bed roughly and the room got darker and that alternate "me" was practically tossing me around my room like as if i was nothing... then i actually woke up virtually, with my father and my brother both approaching my room and asking me to wake up quickly. After they left when i was still dreaming, that alternate me came back again... a dream in a dream, i told my eldest brother the first, and he said that its sort of an inception and also sort of the most horrible nightmare that i am going through. Continuing with my story, i was still virtually in my bed and i was once interrupted again by my alternate self, wanting to devour me in fear... from that part i literally felt my leg numbing almost to nothing, so i forced myself out from my sleep... and i felt that i was totally unharmed, but i took notice, when i try to get back to bed after those events again, it would only be temporary until that alternate me comes back again. Its the most terrifying thing that i have ever met throughout my life. Never have i encountered such events. before blogging about this tonight, the few weeks i had the same dream but my mind was not even afraid of it, until now, it actually has "awoken" ... horrified being alone in my own room after that i went downstairs and turned on my laptop and talked to my eldest brother about it... :/ why the fuck in the world would this alternate self want to terrify my to the max, i thought of it once, if i were to continue taking my rage from when i was in primary school till now, i might turn out to be like that, heeding no words and just tearing people. I am unharmed physically, but sort of traumatized mentally because of this. 

$em l3re@k Week...

Monday

Well its nothing much really, i just woke up, used the computer for a while and then at 11am my mum fetched me to the gym at Taylor's lakeside campus upon my request.. didn't to much of any workout so i just took it slowly, but i am still inclined to increase my cardio rate, but i also included the inclination on the treadmill which actually makes it a lot harder for me even if the value is quite small.... And then as always, i end up really smelly and sweaty... so i just sat down for a while at the gym cuz the air conditioning units are cold enough to dry up the sweat. After that i changed my shirt and went down for some light meal at Old Town White Coffee... Well at this point, is seems pretty much antisocial cuz i don't know everyone around me and i just stuck my head to my laptop and read the news and play some minigames... 
Later on at 2pm my mum called me just to tell me that the car broke down at Mydin while she was having her lunch and making purchases on necessary things we buy weekly, so i had to wait for my father to fetch me all the way at 6.30pm ... i waited until 4pm when my friends' classes ended and one of them who is a senior would frequently feed the ducks at the lake, a very friendly guy and easy to talk to. He seem to know a lot of people there, so i might want to learn how to truly break out of my shell in public. I also met Max, not the one in my class, but hes from the Diploma in Mass Comms course, i hardly see him and today, there he is, and i wasn't surprised when he drew out his iPad and started using it... mainstream gadgets nowadays... so costly and very useless in our daily life except for referring to notes in class instead of staring at the projector screen and trying to read everything on it.
I waited until 5pm when a few of my friends usually play frisbee at the campus square, one of them was very athletic, and he is a senior. The rest of them are decent players, i just sat by the lake and watched them play cuz i dont wanna sweat again right after gym. 




Tuesday


Today is where i stay at home and did just about nothing helpful to myself right in front of my computer... Not much was actually tingling in my head when i am playing shooting games unless i am actually forced to think just to win a round in the matches. I also did some re-rigging on the animations which i ported from counter strike source, which i commonly do them as huge projects for points at the forum. At this moment i thought,,, well, why is my life so quiet on days without college or school like those days which i used to enjoy last time. Perhaps people who are like me enjoys their time under the sun more than in the shades and in front of the computer... Anyway, i read the daily news and i do notice that my country, Malaysia is actually fighting for freedom especially due to the governments who are inexperienced in controlling the country, so many restrictions.. this surely will make it very difficult for us to actually advance as a multiracial and multicultural country... my acquaintances from Singapore actually hammered me with their patriotism and they also showed me, no matter how much the rakyat hates each other, there will always be a point where they forget about the hostility and try to rebuild their teamwork and trust in each other. I guess, social media is the one to be blamed due to the stereotyping they are doing daily... I spend the afternoon drinking tea and eating a char siew pao... wasn't that filling but that's all i need since my body is not gonna do much work for the day cuz i am actually recovering from the exercise that i was doing yesterday. I also thought of continuing my old story which i left out on my blog, but thinking of it again brought back unrecoverable scars in my mind and so i decided to leave it to be and as always not to touch it till this life ends.
Memories have their own ways of making us feel guilty for not taking the chances we should have when god actually gave us the moments which are perfect, but we as humans are not, and i did not take any of my opportunities to show my interest in that girl, so i actually let it fly by without doing anything... such a waste, i know that.. i was an ignorant dumb fuck at that time.. we all were given chances, uncountable amounts of them and some of us who are alike me, screws it up so bad or never took any action at all.. and the last thing is i am an overprotective friend, or maybe a companion... i overdo things which i foresee through my experience, which has a very fatal effect onto relationships, so in simple terms, i screw up all of it most of the time...
I spent the night talking to my friends on facebook, while installing the whole expansion of The Sims 2, all 8 Episodes and 9 expansion packs, but what caught me most was my brain suddenly directed me to studying my java programming language again, so i just juiced my brain to find out what i can actually remember, which i made a small record for myself, 15 minutes to complete Tutorial 3... what the heck? i told myself... the first time trying to understand this, is like it took me a whole day to do it and there i did it in just 15 minutes.... i went to bed after that feeling really tired and exhausted like as if i juiced my brain to the max.






Wednesday


Today i enjoyed the bits of memory with my friends whom were from the same school with me, one of them shifted back to Cheras cuz of some private problems which i think i shouldn't dunk myself into. As usual i went to the gym today, i tried to push the cardio limit, but i could not last so long so i just took it slowly, but i did go hard on the weights, did many rounds and felt the sore. After that i went to Grubs bistro after my workout, i just had a ham sandwich there, and i do have a friend working there, his name is Jeff, he is a busy young man, he hardly has time to talk to anyone there so i just left him to work on his own. For once i sat inside the cafe and he did not notice me, probably its cuz i wore a completely different outfit at that time. I opened up my laptop and browsed the news and suddenly Shane called me for a movie, at 2.45pm, but i went to check the timing on the movie on when does it start. Surprisingly there was none that started at 2.45, but nonetheless i reached there late so we changed the movie that we were watching. We changed it to Dark Shadows, an interesting movie if i do say so myself, it is a combination of comedy, horror and romance. 
Okay, firstly we had 1 and a half hours of doing nothing, so we went down to a cafe to eat some light meal, and then we settled to play at the snooker center until there was only 10 minutes left to the start of the movie. My friend Raymond, tagged along when he suddenly made a call right before he came to the same location. He has changed a lot and so much has happened ever since i joined Taylor's Lakeside Campus. Literally i was cut off from all of my close friends so i don't not squat of anything that happened for the past few months, around 4 months or so... and i was very surprised, so many things actually happened during such a short time. And back to running to the cinema cuz we were late and we rushed to buy some popcorn :)
It starts with the main character, Barnabas Collins, which later on he was cursed to be a vampire for an eternity by the witch who claims she fell in love with him. At the end of the story, Barnabas Collins explained why she can never fall in love and she actually wants to possess him.. as we all know witches will keep playing their cards till their victim falls deeply into their trap and that is where you will suffer for an eternity. 
After watching that movie, i still had a lot of questions of my own, but i'd prefer to think of it by myself, cuz my brain feels a bit rusty cuz i never used it when i play games. I gave my father a call at that time cuz i thought i was late.. but then he was just about to leave office and cuz of the jam, it took him longer to arrive, so i took my time at the bookstore and read a book. I browsed through a few of them and i decided to actually settle that 1 hour reading the book titled "Rich dad, Poor dad" ... it is an interesting book, it described how the writer gained knowledge through contemplating the advice given between his rich and poor father since he has two.
After reading the book for a while i decided to actually look around and see the changes at the shop since they actually rearranged it after making the size of the shop a lot smaller. I found my friend there who is very indecisive, the reason why i say that is, he cannot decide which course he wants to learn and also, he is very much interested in games just like me. He actually was quite interested when i told him about the studies i was doing in my Foundation in Computing Course in Taylor's Lakeside Campus. It has been 3 years that he hasn't studied any foundation level things at all... i also gave him an advice to actually speed up his thinking on what he wants to study next because he is elder than me and he is no longer getting younger.
He also told me that he met a few other friends which i know closely, Bonieface, and a few more of my old friends, they went to watch Battleship at the time my friends and i went to watch Dark Shadows. I actually denied the fact that i want to know what happened, so i just chose another topic. At that time, the clock struck 7.15pm so i got out of the shopping mall and started making my way through to the bus stop at the highway. I felt really really light at first, just like right after i grind on maximum training at the gym in the morning, the feeling of freedom without much friction to actually stop you. When i reached the bus stop, i just waited and waited... i reached home at around 8pm cuz of the jam my father went through just to get home. I went to bath straight cuz i felt very sticky for the whole day cuz i went to gym this morning... After i came down, i ate dinner and then i just went on the computer as usual, doing what i always do, YouTube, re-rigging, and gaming.
I also was a bit inclined to actually gulp down some hard liquor. I took the bottle out and poured a small amount of it. It took me about 30 minutes to finish it, resulting in major dizziness in front of the computer. I forced myself to keep awake till i go up to sleep, it felt really really like a long trip back to bed.. LOL 




Thursday


Well today isn't that much of anything again, cuz i actually woke up later than usual cuz last night i dragged myself to bed at 3am :D Played games all the way till dinner, no breaks whatsoever, feels tiring cuz of the radiation i received from my computer for the whole day... boredom struck me like mad today cuz i could do nothing else other than just playing games at home.
My friends actually forgot to call me for the movie they were watching today... wtf weih, u serious bro? 
Ah forget about it, its a bit frustrating though, the people who are the main planners forgot to call their closest friends for a movie even if they knew i was on a break... hmm i actually didn't care about it much cuz i am very used to being left out of the list between my friends and i ... oh well, nothing is actually true to me cuz i hardly trust anyone. Blogged about today's boring activities today and yadda yadda... anyway, good night, sleep tigt people, cuz everyday is a new day, but that doesn't mean you can forget the previous :)

Le Enjoyment Of Life After SPM :DD

November 29th and Onwards
YEAAAAAAHHHH finally spm wuhz ovur hahahahhaa waiting for bio students to finish on the next day xD i had a 4 day outing streak ever since SPM was over, all of them with my friends and surprisingly, the same place for 4 days :P ---- P.S i left post this on hold right after SPM xD
The second day of goin out was quite a fail for me for the whole day though... a deaf lady (i'm nos so sure about it) came to the restaurant and asked for donation, i gave 50 bucks, but i only wanted to spend 10, she dashed off after that... my friends somehow laughed at my stupidity... they said " how would you even know she is deaf? you ah, so stupid, fall for people lik dis...haiiz nvm la spm over, enjoy a bit laa :D" and furthermore i brought my DSLR... u know what i left out? my camera MEMORY CARD ... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..... 
but the third day was the most enjoyable, 4 days goin back at 12 midnight.... imagine that... all the freedom to do stupid things around xD the third day was most enjoyable cuz the bio students who finished also came to sunway and hang out :P so many of them got celebration party 


December 2011
The holidays have been a freaking BLAST cuz my friend actually hosted a party twice in a month at his condo :P We all had fun, bbq chicken and fish. Credits to my school best classmate and buddy for the marinated chicken and fish, for he had done a good job.
Aside from that i managed to complete many games in just 1 month... (i was so fukkin bored :SS) ... MW3, BF3, Urban Assault, GunLok, RA3, GTA:SA ... o and also i am hosting a Terraria and Minecraft server online :P feel free to request for my network access anytime because the server is up 24/7 :) 

Trials results....

It gave me a shock on how bad it was....
i got 3 fails, Add Math, Chem and Sejarah....
really crashed my happy mood....
i really think im very stupid now,
i never did really study at all at home,
just online and talk with friends all the time.....

I didn't realize that it would go down,
Seriously it deteriorated until i got no mood,
Maybe cant sleep tonight...
The next exam will be my last,
In the same school with all of my memorable friends,
i know them clearly, but they don't know me at all,
i always stay invisible....

Nevermind about that,
That doesn't worry me too much other than my exam results,
it's rather terrible, and im still enjoying myself with a can of beer...
Im trully an aasshole without regrets am i? well, truthfully, no,
just drinking to my regrets of my old self....

Now that i know my real position,
Should i disable my facebook account ?
Personally i think if i am disciplined enuff, i don't need to,
just study all day long,
no other thoughts if i want to ace the exams this time....
i can always ask my eldest brother for help, he got all As in his SPM...
i do respect him for that, but he has very very bad manners ....

Study....
Study.....
Well this is the last time im gonna let my parents down,
im gonna prove myself by ace-ing the test,
and show that they have not wasted their efforts

I kinda stumbled upon this while i was googling some random stuff...


What is love ?

Throughout the history of mankind, we as a world culture have made love out to be mysterious, complex, difficult, and undefinable. It’s the subject of endless poems and literary works. There is an enormous amount of material available out there about love, a lot of it contradictory.
We’ve been given the impression that to define love is near to impossible. Maybe there’s a fear that if we define it, it would somehow be less powerful...less impactful...less exhilarating. Maybe we like the mystery of it. But is it really that complicated? Perhaps the complications surrounding love come from all “stuff” we add on to this powerful emotion. Lets drop all the baggage surrounding relationships and define what it is we are experiencing in the moment of love...
conclusion: undefined..


 Love is Accepting.
Acceptance is labeling someone as "okay" and having no particular desire to change them. Who they are is perfectly fine with you. You pose no condition on whether you will love them or not. This is call unconditional love. When your love IS conditional, the moment they step outside your set of conditions, love wanes. Consequently, love is rarely a constant state but fluctuates based on our degree of acceptance.



 Love is Appreciating.
Appreciation is one step beyond acceptance. Its when your focus is on what you like about another. We look at them and feel this sweeping appreciation for who they are, their joy, their insights, their humor, their companionship, etc. When someone says they are "in love" with another, they mean their appreciation is so enormous for this person that it consumes their every thought.
( "Oh man, he/she is so smart, attractive, funny, talented, etc." ..and if they are all these wonderful things AND they like me, I must be pretty darm wonderful too!)

 Love is Wanting Another to Feel Good.
We want those we love to be happy, safe, healthy, and fulfilled. We want them to feel good in all ways, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Last but not least, love doesn't need to be expressed ...

Argg... trials sure bites hard...
the only few subjects that i'm expecting to fail is chem, and sejarah,
the others were good and i went past them easily,
especially on essay writing, free flowing ^_^

DnB d^_^b

Hey guys,
whassup y'all,
lately i've been busy,
didn't update my blog for some time,
and i've decided 
to leave behind that unfinished story on my blog,
its worth writing, but not worth my time,
leaving behind that old story 
just to start another one
sounds more better for me :)


I've been doing some searching on songs,
mostly i search for Drum & Bass, and Progressive Trance,
I include Jumpstyle/hardstyle songs and also club trance,
I just recently found out 1 artist on the DnB channel,
that person only focuses on liquid Dnb,
a type of genre that flows accordingly and smoothly,
i found the excitement in adding loud music,
during my gameplay on other games,
but i noticed, it raised my body temperature to an "almost-fever"
kinda temperature, but i've done this just to benchmark myself,
i can only exceed that temperature while playing FPS games only,
Others are at average temperature...


You may wonder why i use myself as the lab rat for my tests,
its becuz i want to know what does it feel like to be in that position,
makes me more tired and caused my to fall sic for a few days,
and that is only just 1 day of testing....


Continuing with the earlier topic,
the only artist i foun for the liquid dnb list is "NETSKY",
most of his songs are quite nice to make GMV-s ,
i'll post a few samples of his songs,
enjoy ;D

Peace out
XFiAudigyWS

=.=

Here comes the trials.
hell will break loose on these 3 months,
But i am quite happy that i studied quite a lot,
well i haven't deducted with the amount of time i wasted,
just to go online to chat and play games...


The trials may not be important
for the lot of the people around,
but it is very important to me,
cuz i will need it for college January intake,
early months still grant me time to go for parties,
and also staying up for hours at the club ;)


Second thing is, 
about prom night,
well the location is not yet decided,
but i am sure that i'll be able to make it,
no matter where it is...
Second question to this is, 
who will be my date to prom night,
that is another thing which i am very nervous about,
i was thinking about asking her to go with me,
but my constant thoughts keep delaying and twisting,
so in conclusion,
i don't really know whether i can ask her or not...


Yes, i am a shy person,
i just need some time to think this through,
of all things that budge into my mind when i think of asking her,
is the thing that happened last year,
i don't want it to happen again,
most people would say,
prevention is better than a cure,
but i just want the feeling to give someone,
my shade of love and telling her,
how do i feel about her...


My thoughts may be exaggerated,
but i also have a friend who is trying his best,
to convince me that it isn't a big thing at all,
but to me it is,
this is because i am inviting my "crush" .....
plz, if anyone have the solution to my situation,
just tell me, explain it to me,
i met her for more than 4 years already,
this is the fifth year,
i just don't want to screw up like last year again....


Actually i thought of it,
its not such a big matter,
why not just go and ask...
i keep hesitating when thinking of this,
maybe its becuz i think too much...
Yea, that may be the reason to it...


the shy and troubled,
XFiAudigyWS

<-----(-_-)----->

Days, Nights, Thoughts..... finally the exam arrives to my doorstep

Everyday i think about you,
I thought of letting you go,
and letting someone else into my life,
but i still don't know why,
i still choose to keep you in my mind,
its not a curse and nor is it something suffering,
when i think about you,
i feel much happier,
that you stepped into my life,
i had never expected someone,
like you to arrive so early,
if only you'd understand me much better,
misunderstandings would have been avoided....


My mind keeps telling me that,
All i need is some patience,
and to act at the right time,
and i also keep having imaginations,
that i we were together on a holiday,
along with my other friends,
but i don't see that day's arrival,
sad thoughts flood my mind frequently,
but i still resist it and act normal,
just don't want others to see,
what's in my mind.........
It has been successful for quite some time,
but i don't know how long it will hold....


Every single thought that floods my mind,
when i talk to you around school,
were the most pleasant,
but yet i still seem to always be further from you,
if only everything would be better... and more ....normal....
but the world would be one of the most boring place,
if everything is so "normal" .... 
The world we live in now, 
has ups and downs,
which makes life way more interesting...


I always want to be there for you,
but my presence is always absent,
because you are always missing from your class,
but i find it normal because,
who can sit in class and do nothing for a whole day?
no one can handle that type of boredom,
cuz everyone in my school is very active....


After these few months thinking about you,
i just noticed how near my trial exams are,
and i still have loads to catch up on,
sometimes half of me ask myself,
why waste your time any further, 
you're gonna jeopardize your future if you keep this up,
furthermore, when will you accept your fate?
i answered it today,
my future is worth sacrificing just to be with her,
My fate now is according to what i chose,
besides,
i've known her for more than 4 years already,
it's time to make my move,
you can keep asking me these questions,
but i will always answer it,
for .... no distance, 
or reason,
or question,
or calamity,
can separate love...
The true power within love is limitless....

Uhhmm??

Okay, i find it a little hard to believe this,
but yeah, you've always been lik dis ever since f4.
but u weren't dis hyper when u were in f3,
more like tears and friends during dat time :/


Their stories about you,
seems quite convenient,
looks like ur trying to get sum1 off your tail,
and ur lying continuously to every school fvens u hav,
now dat is over de limit at some points,
but my decision will nevar change,
even if ur turning nuts or goin loco,
i dun give a damn,
i stick to my decision and it is final :)


Cuz u are the only one,
that'll take that place,
inside my heart :)

Sprained my ankle again :/
painful lik f, but i still can walk,
the painkiller doctor giv no effect :(
gonna b like diz for 1 week ....


not fun at all, summore im runnin this saturday 
I MUST GO!!! ><''

:/

I don't know when can my confession to you take place,
i will wait for the right moment and the right time :)